The term “demanding” is a component of everyday language and refers to a woman who puts a high price on her image, desires or non-public needs. Often pronounced in the context of dating, the implication is that the woman in question is too much hard work; a significant other that is less difficult and less difficult to perceive would be preferable.
Rarely, if ever, do we come to the term “high-maintenance man. “
In dating apps, users make decisions in a split second, depending on the profile to consult them.
In my studies on dating and direct dating apps, I found that men needed to look beautiful, muscular, even tanned, in their profile photos to attract more matches.
On the contrary, they sought to constitute themselves in opposition to a cultural idea.
They sought to expand profiles that presented them as “not requiring much interview. “
“High maintenance,” a slippery but sticky category explained through physical and behavioral characteristics.
In her profile pictures, the not easy “girl” (as described by the men and women in my research) was probably dressed in “too much” makeup or tight clothing. She would be dressed for a party (or “to go out”). She was pouting on camera like Instagram or carrying a beloved bag.
Once fogged with the high-maintenance brush, it is difficult to perceive it otherwise.
Behavior, I perceived as difficult. I was looking for things and expected a higher standard. There are paintings concerned in their dating, and therefore, of a monetary burden.
As one male player noted:
There are a lot of super women on dating apps [. . . ] but I mean, I can’t this kind of thing. It’s too much maintenance.
Within my research, women sought to portray themselves as “pretty” but “familiar. “They didn’t need to “intimidate” a possible adjustment through their photographs and behavior.
As one player pointed out, a team that requires a lot of maintenance expected too much.
The desire to appear hot but undemanding meant that he had to perform a balancing act.
There is a kind of effortless, pretty and required carefreeness:
My everyday look is an oversize shirt and very comfortable clothes, however in my profile is the photo of the festival where I am visibly made up and there are two other photos where I am with friends [. . . ] I felt the tension in which you deserve to at least look pretty, but at the same time, you must look understandable.
There’s that strain that you want to look friendly enough, but fair enough, but too friendly at the same time. It’s a strange line.
This type of identity control is not new, especially on social media. Obviously, it is ubiquitous for women and young women who are portrayed as having (or having) too little or too much. Too fat or too thin; too wise or too stupid; too loose or too restricted.
Here, the line between sex appeal and lack of effort. Participants felt the need to be fair, but not so fair as to scare potential partners.
Physical attributes, or the tactics of providing for oneself, were also occasionally associated with non-public behaviors and expectations. Indeed, women had to present themselves as naturally beautiful, capable, without expectations, lovers of laughter and, above all, simple to live together. .
All at the convenience of one man.
Behind this probably insignificant, even risk-free, was something much more sinister.
She described the multitude of tactics in which women dominate themselves to appease men: not complaining, not being too easy, not expressing needs, not having expectations of openness or emotional fulfillment.
In fact, do not make demands, which are the situations for an intimacy founded on relations of equality and reciprocity.
In the end, the “high-maintenance” woman was too difficult to deal with, which showed the known stereotypes that women are destined to be calm, submissive, opinionless and docile. That they shouldn’t be misleading.
It has strengthened the feminine pillars that a woman will have to smile and make pleasant. Do not be too demanding and, in short, do not take up too much space.
Some invisibility is required, even in an online dating space. – The Conversation|Rappler. com
This article was originally published on The Conversation.
Lisa Portolan holds a PhD from the Institute of Culture and Society at the University of Western Sydney.