It’s Andy Nesbitt’s Morning Win.
The 2020 NFL season begins tonight with protective champions Chiefs welcoming the Texans to begin an unprecedented season.
There have been no pre-season games, so we have no idea how groups are combined in the run-up to Week 1. There will be no enthusiasts (or very few enthusiasts) in the games for at least a while, which is going to be strange AND I hope there are no instances of COVID-19 that can make a difference.
But from now on, all systems work, which is great.
My friend and colleague Steven Ruiz has prepared a great review of the season that consults, completes data about each team, the adjustments they have made and the expectations that the mavens have imposed on them, also made predictions.
I’m going to take the opposite path here and laugh, temporarily explaining why each and every team would possibly not win the Super Bowl this year. Nothing you read below is scientific. I didn’t spend any minute watching a game movie this off-season, it all comes from my stupid instincts.
Bills: The Bills have been allergic to the playoffs since 1995.
Dolphins: The Miami quarterback went to Harvard and is 92 years old.
Jets: It’s the New York Jets.
Patriots: Bill Belichick is arguably the second-best catcher on the team.
Bengals: Cincinnati hasn’t even won a playoff game since before sending an email.
Browns: Cleveland the sexy team last year and they burned us all. Not this time, Cleveland, not this time!
Ravens: Lamar Jackson is so smart that I find it hard to understand why they probably wouldn’t win the Super Bowl, so I’m just going to repeat the two words: Patrick. Mahomes.
Steelers: Ben Roethlisberger now has a new QB in New England to lose in the games.
Colts: Philip Rivers will be exhausted driving his bus from San Diego to Indy every week.
Jaguars: Your QB is the equivalent of the beer you’re selling this summer.
Texans: The franchise idea would be fun to praise a bad coach by turning him into a bad general manager.
Titans: Waiting for Ryan Tannehill to have some other year of career is like waiting for other people’s instagrams to cheer him up, it just wouldn’t happen.
Broncos: John Elway is in love with his offense and we know what it means when John Elway thinks he has the best cuts.
Chargers: Their only fan in Los Angeles isn’t enough to give them the excitement they need.
Chiefs: Now that you’ve won a Super Bowl, Andy Reid can focus too much or completely on getting loose cheeseburgers.
Raiders: Nobody ever wins in Vegas.
Cowboys: Dallas enthusiasts are too excited about their opportunities this year and we know how they do when they feel smart about their team.
Eagles: Your quarterback is as fragile as the feelings of a MAGA person when they see you protest peacefully.
Giants: Jason Garrett is a component of his training team.
Washington: Daniel Snyder presents the checks.
Bear: Your quarterback is looking to figure out how to throw a football, which is far from ideal.
Lions: Lions will have to do the right thing and refuse to be a guaranteed Thanksgiving game. Until then, the football gods will continue to punish them.
Packers: Without grate enthusiasts, the Lambeau Leaps will be the most lonely things in the game and players may not feel up to it.
Vikings: Kirk Cousins won’t be able to hide his sadness after failing again, even if he should.
Bucs: Karma nevertheless comes to Tom Brady to sell pajamas that help you recover while you sleep and powders that help you stay healthy in a pandemic.
Falcons: 28-3 still has a lifespan.
Panthers: Christian McCaffrey is going to win a lot of championships this year, just in football.
Saints: NFL referees just don’t like Saints.
Cardinals: Kliff Kingsbury is too cool to win a Super Bowl.
49ers: Kyle Shanahan’s love of giving up a big super bowl advantage will remain too much for his players to overcome.
Rams: It’s going to be very difficult to succeed over your horrible new logo.
Seahawks: While Pete Carroll (who would be an NFL game legend in the last 55 minutes), he can count on confusing decisions behind in the game that will let everyone scratch their heads.
The Raptors beat the Celtics in an epic Game 6 that doubled down and ended with the groups exchanging a few words after the final whistle. Game 7 on Friday is going to be a lot of fun.
– Charles Curtis is back with tacos, rags and football slippers for Week 1. He loves Big Ben this week.
– Serena Williams had a 24-shot volley at the US Open that you can see here, it was pretty impressive.
– NBA enthusiasts remembered how the Bucks once tried to burn the Lakers.